PERILOUS VOYAGE:  THE MANILA GALLEONS

The Spanish were mining silver on the Mexican Pacific coast and getting it back to Spain meant overland travel through desert and jungle till they they reached the Gulf of Mexico.

Ships tried to sail directly from Manila to the New World but were thwarted by the winds 

Finally, a friar navigator (love that) reasoned that Pacific winds may blow in a circular pattern and sailed North to the latitude of Japan, where he caught the Westerly wind and was also aided by the Kuroshio Current. On the return journey, he sailed South and then turned towards home.

The ships, built of Manila teak, were huge. They carried Chinese silks and porcelain and slaves (rebellious Moros, who are still fighting to this day) and the Westward crossing took 4 or 5 months. 

They would make landfall around San Francisco, sail down the coast to Acapulco, load up with silver and return via the Marianas -- which was a quicker trip.

Once in Manila, the silver was shipped to Spain in smaller vessels, occasionally running the gauntlet of Chinese and other pirates 

Provisioning was vital, as a Manila Galleon could get becalmed.  One ship arrived on the American coast after 6 months with 350 of the 400 aboard dead from thirst (can you imagine the struggle for water?). 

The Manila Galleons sailed this route for a couple of centuries.

PIRATE QUEEN

 

She was Chinese.  One account says she was a courtesan.  Another claims that she worked in a floating brothel.  Whatever the truth, Ching Shih certainly came from a humble background – but her beauty caught the attention of a pirate chieftain, Zheng Yi. 

 

She married him in 1801 and took the name Zheng Yi Sao (wife of Zheng Yi) and helped her husband form a confederacy of pirates that terrorized the South China Sea.  The fleet they assembled grew to 400 ships and 40,000 men.  China at the time was ruled by the Quing Dynasty, whose navy fought the pirates often, but without much success.

 

Six years passed and then Zheng Yi was drowned in a terrible storm.  His wife took command of the fleet – no mean feat as she had to be personally brave, politically astute, and ruthless when required.

 

Under her leadership the fleet swelled to 600 plus ships and 70,000 men.  They raided as far as Macau and Portuguese ships were a favourite target.   British merchantmen were few, but they fell victim as well.

 

Zheng Yi Sao also instilled military style discipline amongst her pirate warriors.  Booty was carefully accounted for and shared.  Women captives were protected – and sexual assault was punishable by death.  Stealing from villagers who supported the pirates was also a capital offence.

 

Unlike Western pirates like Black Beard, who had two or three ships flying the Jolly Roger, Zeng Yi Sao conducted fleet actions – like an admiral.  On one occasion she sank 35 warships of the provincial governor. 

 

Another major attack defeated the Quing navy and she gained access to the Pearl River – allowing her to sail deep inland and attack villages and towns.  Soon many towns were paying her tribute to avoid trouble, as were the coastal merchants and fishermen. 

 

The Quing Dynasty, in desperation, made an alliance with the Portuguese.  They were even seeking aid from the Royal Navy.  Zheng Yi Sao was wise leader and saw the writing on the wall.  Western ships were faster and has superior cannons.  So, she made a deal....

 

...negotiating with the Quing authorities, she agreed to lay down arms – provided she could keep all her wealth and that amnesty be granted to 1,433 pirates under her personal command.  She was given land near Canton, where she built a very successful gambling house and lived in comfort for the rest of her life. 

 

Zheng Yi Sao died at the age of 68 in 1844 having outlived her second husband.  She is the most successful pirate in history.

 

 

In ‘The Hitchhikers Guide to the Galaxy’, Douglas Adams wrote of Sirius Cybernetics Corporation products....

 “It is very easy to be blinded to the essential uselessness of them by the sense of achievement you get from getting them to work at all."

 And so it is with my car’s infotainment system. Don't get me wrong, it connects with my phone easily enough; displays maps, plays music and so on -- and sweetly wishes me 'Good morning ' when I start the car (quite unlike my wife's grunt, as I have pointed out to her).

 Unfortunately, being an ex-adman, I was intrigued by the Voice Command claims. In practice, the 'Hey Toyota' system doesn't understand most of what I say. It will phone my brother, Mark, but is foxed by Indian names. Entreaties to turn down the air conditioning are met with incomprehension and "I'm sorry, could you repeat that?"

 Of course, one could achieve the same end with the flick of a finger, but it's the principle that matters.

 And in a protracted interaction, I can sense a change in the system’s tone. Impatience creeps in. To complicate matters, the infotainment screen can also connect to Android Auto and voice control through Google Assistant.

 In fact, after a lengthy discussion this morning, the car -- on its own -- switched on my phone's Bluetooth and petulantly announced "Android Auto has been activated. Goodbye." I could almost hear the subtext: "Talk to that bitch and leave me alone."

 And no, voice commands on Android Auto are no better; so it's back to the old ways, though this aging dog tried his damndest to learn new tricks.

NEWFIE

When I was working in HongKong, my immediate superior was a Canadian.  A man of few words, perhaps ten years older than me. Not unpleasant,not at all,  but dour.  He rarely smiled and getting him to say anything was like extracting teeth.

I questioned some other Canadian colleagues about him, and they dismissed it with, "Oh, he's a Newfie."

That didn't mean anything to me.

Many months later, we were having a few drinks after a client conference and he finally unbent enough to tell me about his childhood.

He grew up, he said, in a wooden house on a cliff looking out to sea at the Northern end of Newfoundland.  Across the water from Greenland. 

The house was unheated, though it had a big cast iron wood stove that had to be constantly fed.

In winter, he said, the pack ice would form, stretching for miles from the shore.  And the polar wind would come down from Greenland, screaming over the miles of pack ice, getting colder and colder, and when it reached the coast, it slammed into this lone wooden house on the cliff.

The house would shake.  All the timbers in the wooden frame would groan.  The door, if not locked, would be violently blown open.  Every window rattled.  And if the wind brought snow...

Glenn was a copywriter, so he could describe a scene vividly.  

And now, though I have never knowingly met another one, I make allowances for Newfies.